Sheesh, that's honest...

What to do when you’re being all self-destructive about a breakup… or anything!

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Since ending my relationship with Bloody Good Chap and re-entering the dating scene wayyyy too prematurely, I’ve been assailed with not-fun emotions.

Goddamnit, those tricky badgers, I’m having to pull out all the (mindfulness) big guns to keep my mind mentally healthy as I make this transition to the scary ocean of singledom.

Lately my wake up calls from Neville involve him jumping to attention (on top of my forehead) and barking “WHAT is wrong today??”

Which he quickly follows with “Ah yes. Well, Terence hasn’t replied, so he hates your forehead most likely, and Clarence, welllll, do we have chemistry with him? Probably not. We’ll probably never find another partner as amazing as BGC.

We are doomed to spinsterhood. Good morning world!”

As a very experienced mindfulness consultant, I should be mindfully processing my grief, sitting with the loneliness, and non-judgmentally accepting my way through the bouts of unprompted wailing.

Instead, I’m dating Roger to distract me from missing BGC. I’m dating Terence to distract me from the fact that I kind of like Roger but we can’t date for real because he wants kids ASAP, and then I’m chatting to Percy to distract myself from Clarence, who is the guy that just ghosted me.

Names changed for privacy, obviously.

Roger is my vacuum, Terence is my blender, Percy is my peace lily and Clarence is my iPhone.

Even with alllllll the mindfulness skills in the world, sometimes you just have to take the self-destructive route and bang your head against a brick wall for a few months, until you become bored of your own bullshit.

Then, only when you’ve exhausted all of the mind’s most unhelpful coping strategies, can you eventually come back around to the emotional intelligence skills you had waiting patiently for you the whole time.

And just mindfully allow the grief to come and go. Until it comes less often and goes more quickly.

And all the while thinking, “Goddamnit. This is SO much more peaceful and wise than prematurely dating up a Bumble storm. I should have done it sooner.”

And then 5 minutes later picking up Bumble again, you know, just in case.

In case what, I don’t know.

So if you’re being a bit self-destructive lately, in any area of your life, please, don’t beat yourself up for it.

Allow the self-destructive phase to run its course. The less you resist it, the more quickly it will ramp up to the point that the stupidity starts to tire you. At which point, you’ll naturally swing to the other side of the pendulum and start looking after yourself properly again.

It’s just what we do. And it’s ok.

Pstt - enjoyed this blog post? Splendid news! If you fancy getting these snippets of self-deprecating radical honesty delivered freshly to your inbox moments(ish) after I take them out of the gluten free oven (every week or three-ish), subscribe over here.

I have an online workshop coming up (details TBC) called How to be Less of a Dick to Yourself (AKA Self Compassion for Sceptics)! I would love you to join us — It’s going to be bloody splendid! Click here to register your interest.

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