All Posts, Ever

Say it to their face

Say it to their face

A couple of months ago a really incredible woman passed away, and since then she’s been on my mind more than ever. I see my Grandma’s cheeky face in my mind’s eye, with her beautifully brushed white hair, and I smile to myself while doing the dishes. My Grandma was a woman that lit up…

My run in with a bankery investment manager and a USB

My run in with a bankery investment manager and a USB

Yesterday I was setting up to run a corporate workshop when a cocky, bankery looking investment manager something-or-other walked in to help me work out the AV setup in the very swish boardroom. After a while, when it became clear he also couldn’t work out how to get it working, he started to become rapidly…

What to do first when the wagon has been well and truly fallen off

What to do first when the wagon has been well and truly fallen off

I woke up on a warm Spanish Tuesday and noticed a mild anxiety milling around my chest. I scanned the previous day – bubbling garlic prawns and gluten free beer, reading a brilliant new book on the beach and badgering BGC with all the facts I was learning, and a giant bubble bath where BGC…

How to unstick yourself & get your aliveness back

How to unstick yourself & get your aliveness back

I currently have a croaky man voice, courtesy of Edinburgh being a shit tonne colder than I was prepared for last week! At the end of an awesome, tapas fueled, 4 week trip to Portugal and Spain with BGC, I flew to the UK for a whirlwind Featherstone family and workshop tour. I spent a…

How to make more authentic friendships

How to make more authentic friendships

A week ago, sitting with a glass of wine in a little cobbled laneway in southern Spain with two women I’d only ever spent a couple of hours with in person, I began to cry. I’d met Jo and Rachel four years previously when we’re all starting out in business, and joined a business mastermind…

How to accept something you can’t change when you’d really just rather punch something

How to accept something you can’t change when you’d really just rather punch something

On Thursday I arrived at Madrid airport to find that my suitcase had not made the 24 hour journey with me. The Etihad baggage claim folks weren’t exactly sure where my bag was, along with 8 others, but they assured me it would be delivered to where I was staying, 3 hours away, in southern…

What to do when life becomes too rinse & repeaty

What to do when life becomes too rinse & repeaty

For a few months this year I’ve I felt in a rut. I’ve felt disconnected with BGC, disconnected with myself, and just a bit pissed off really. After Project Self turned 4, my workload finally became a bit easier, a bit less crazy-frantic, a bit more routine and comfortable. Then not long later, I slid…

How to become a Well F*%ked Woman

How to become a Well F*%ked Woman

Sex used to feel mighty average for me, it didn’t seem to matter how skilled or loving or enthusiastic my partners were, it all just felt like a bit of an act to me, one that I was determined to be good at. But I could never come, and I wasn’t about to start pretending,…

How to come alive again

How to come alive again

This morning I woke up excited to try a slice of homemade bread from my new gluten-free bread maker, then as I chowed down on my more-cake-than-bread piece of bread, I re-read one of my emails: “I love mindfulness and your emails but please don’t email me about Kim Anami’s stuff, I find it really…

A quick-start guide to avoiding self-doubt and procrastination

A quick-start guide to avoiding self-doubt and procrastination

During the first year of Project Self’s half-arsed existence you could find me vacuuming a lot, Facebooking like a trooper, eating snacks at every available second, and spending hours in the kitchen making horrendously disappointing vegan cauliflower pizzas. I couldn’t tell you how, but I seemed to be “busy” every day working on Project Self,…

What to do with nonspecific-mild-unfounded-background-dread

What to do with nonspecific-mild-unfounded-background-dread

This morning when Bloody Good Chap reached out to put his half asleep arm around me, I half-asleeply mumbled to him: “BGC, I’ve woken up feeling full of dread.” He didn’t respond for 30 seconds. Eventually he opened one eye to ask “What kind of dread?” I wasn’t sure exactly. All I knew is that…

That time a hater ripped into me, full troll style

That time a hater ripped into me, full troll style

A couple of weeks ago I encountered my first real hater – A DJ from NZ who read a few of my posts and then ripped into me, full troll style. It was like a punch to the stomach, and then another few on top of that. I knew he was just angry at life…

When your mate just won’t stop talking at you

When your mate just won’t stop talking at you

Last weekend while I was hanging out with a mate, he announced his thoughts incessantly, there were very few minutes of silence, zero questions, and seemingly no consideration from my friend as to whether his words were meaningful or relevant to either of us. I felt as though my head was being stuffed fuller and…

What to do when overwhelm sneaks into your house

What to do when overwhelm sneaks into your house

Today I am feeling overwhelmed. With a capital D and an H and a W and capital all-the-other-letters. Oh god, there are so many letters! Gahhhhhh. Coming back from being away always seems to land me in some kind of shemozzle for at least 1-3 shemozzley weeks, even when my trips away are a working…

Overzealous conversation-fairness alarms & chatty cathys

Overzealous conversation-fairness alarms & chatty cathys

Yesterday I hung out with a friend who loves to talk. We hung out, she talked, I listened. Slowly my listening turned to sort-of-listening. Then sometimes-listening. Then not-listening-at-all-and-instead-thinking-about-how-tiring-listening is. Then trying-to-practice-mindful-listening while repeatedly getting distracted by Neville, who was busy alternating between self-righteous judgements: “this friend is selfish and lacks self awareness” and self-deprecating concerns…

How to let go of resentment

How to let go of resentment

Yesterday I bluntly asked my close friend when he paused for breath “Hey, how come you rarely ask me any questions? Are you aware that over the last couple of days I’ve done a lot of listening and you’re doing a lot of talking with almost no gaps of silence?” We had been driving for…

What to do about worrying too much at 4.06am

What to do about worrying too much at 4.06am

Last night I woke up at 4.06am with an announcement from Neville: “There is a lot to worry about, Andrea.” I agreed, and we worried for a while about some miscellaneous worries. I checked my phone. 4.16am.. Shit. Nev: “What are we going to do about Instagram, Andrea?” Me: “I love not having Instagram on…

How I got out of my no-sex-drive rut last week

How I got out of my no-sex-drive rut last week

Image via Pinterest A week ago I completely lost my libido and great sex slid back down to the bottom of my priorities. It wasn’t long before I started to feel a bit disconnected from BGC again, our intimacy faded, and life started to lose its shine. Since I know this happens pretty frequently when…

Are you saying “yes” when you mean “no”?

Are you saying “yes” when you mean “no”?

Image via Pinterest Guest post by Kim Anami Are you saying “yes” when you mean “no”? Fuck, yes! Is an unequivocal yes. If it’s hesitation, if it’s stalling, if it’s deflecting. It’s a no. If your pussy is wet, gushing down your thighs, and your arms involuntarily reach out, pulling grabbing and someone inside of…

How to make better friendships, even when you suck at them a bit

How to make better friendships, even when you suck at them a bit

On a Sunday I found myself lying in the dark crying completely unexpected tears as I relayed my thought process to a friend. I was away with a group of friends and we’d been having a bloody awesome time, the tears seemed to come from nowhere. As I washed my face to get ready for…

How to be less socially awkward and stop being side-slapped by unexpected emotions

How to be less socially awkward and stop being side-slapped by unexpected emotions

Recently in an EMDR session with a psychologist, she asked me to write down the 10 worst experiences in my life. Rainbows and butterflies ensued. Of all the 10 things I wrote down, the only one that brought a huge lump to my throat and needles to my eyes was the one that I least…

A deceptively simple trick for when your mind grabs the self loathing stick

A deceptively simple trick for when your mind grabs the self loathing stick

Last night as I got half way down the street from dropping a friend at her house, I noticed that there was a war of hatred going on in my head. During the short drive to her house I’d somehow got onto the subject of how it had recently really hit home that probably hundreds…

Happy New Year Legends!!

Happy New Year Legends!!

Well, that escalated quickly! I was just getting the hang of 2017 and bang, it’s 2018. Happy New Year legends!! I’m very grateful for you, all your awesome messages and support over the years I’ve been writing the Project Self blog, it’s shown me just how many thousands of (probably) millions of billions of awesome…

When someone is judging you and you want to kick them a little bit

When someone is judging you and you want to kick them a little bit

Last week at my good friend’s wedding, I introduced myself to a friend of a friend and she turned to me and said “Oh, well obviously I know who YOU are, Miss Social Media Queen”. I was quite taken aback by her judgement-laced words, and I laughed a bit too heartily while trying to work…

The secret about not having a damn clue what you’re doing

The secret about not having a damn clue what you’re doing

Last night I put on my cooking music and stepped into the kitchen, armed with the knowledge that I really don’t belong near an oven. I’ve decided in the last week, that it’s really time I stopped hiding from my culinary incompetency and do something about it. So I cooked a big meal for BGC,…

Sketching-out that your mates will see your bad side?

Sketching-out that your mates will see your bad side?

Over the weekend Bloody Good Chap came to meet me after I hung out with three girlfriends at the beach, and as we walked along the gritty sand watching a dog burying his face, I realised that I was feeling something heavy that didn’t make any sense after the fun I’d just had. I told…

How to Find Yourself Using a Map

How to Find Yourself Using a Map

As I lay there in a yin class, acutely aware of all sorts of sensations all over my body that I can now focus my attention on, I acknowledged that even a few years ago I didn’t know how to direct my attention inward. If someone asked me to feel the sensation in my left…

Shrugging off things that would normally get an emotional rise out of you

Shrugging off things that would normally get an emotional rise out of you

Recently I was fighting the inbox-zero battle when I found this email from Rosie. “Hey Andrea, I was writing an email to the handful of people from the BGL course I still keep in touch with and thinking, Andrea should really know how much she has changed my life in so many ways – I…

The text that smacked me right on the funny bone

The text that smacked me right on the funny bone

Today a friend sent me a text that bashed me right on the funny bone. The gist of the text was “Hey, how ARE you, Andrea? We really must catch up soon, it’s been ages!! – Oh but even though I’m REALLY only texting you to see how you are, I coincidentally also have a…

When your boyfriend gives you the cold shoulder

When your boyfriend gives you the cold shoulder

A few weeks ago I was in Nusa Lembongan doing surf lessons with Bloody Good Chap. We were out on the water waiting for the few-and-far-between mini waves to come so we could practice turning. The surf instructor was a big fan of BGC, they were BFFs forever, and since he’d also forgotten my name,…

Defending yourself unnecessarily and coming out looking like a knob? Me too.

Defending yourself unnecessarily and coming out looking like a knob? Me too.

Last night at soccer the organiser who I’ve known for a few years came over to where I was on the bench subbing off. “So is your instagram like a blog or something?” he asked. Instead of just agreeing, I launched off on a spiel about how I don’t actually use Instagram that much, my…

How to fling wrong-side-of-the-bed-ness in the bin

How to fling wrong-side-of-the-bed-ness in the bin

This morning, despite waking up in a dark room because BGC likes to sleep with the blinds closed, I had a second or two where I felt completely at peace. A second or so later my mind, Neville, awoke from his slumber and started scanning through the past few days to check if there was…

Run back up the slippery negativity slope

Run back up the slippery negativity slope

Lately I’ve been finding myself slipping like buggery on the slippery downward slope of negativity. Earlier in the year I had to stop working from my co-working space partly because I couldn’t guarantee that I wouldn’t burst into tears randomly most days, I wrote about that here. A number of my friends and family are…

Salt-and-pepperise your sex-life

Salt-and-pepperise your sex-life

Image via Pinterest It was around the age of 23 when I gave up on the idea that sex would ever feel as good as it looked like it could. It always looked so fun in movies and on TV, but in reality, no matter how hard I or my partners tried, it felt “pretty good”…

She owns it

She owns it

Image via Kim Anami Guest post by Kim Anami She owns it. I can spot it from across the room. So can everyone. When I’m watching the women I work with go through the process of transformation, there are many milestones. As you grow into your true and sexual self, several things happen: 1) You…

Am I slipping back to old ways?

Am I slipping back to old ways?

Lately I’ve been seeing a psychologist to open back up and hopefully resolve some of the shenanigans I never faced from my past. I’m peeling back layers I never planned to peel back. I’m talking about why I can’t form or maintain female friendships easily. Why I don’t trust people. Why I panic sometimes and…

The hens party that turned awkward (AKA how to hate yourself less)

The hens party that turned awkward (AKA how to hate yourself less)

Last weekend I was at a Scottish themed hens party. I didn’t know many people there, so I mingled around, making conversation in the usual, brash way I’ve come to adopt accidentally. It’s the polar opposite of how I used to be – awkwardly lurking in the corner, going to the bathrooms and to the…

How to get over really really boilingly strong anger and hurt

How to get over really really boilingly strong anger and hurt

Last year a friend hurt me worse than anyone’s hurt me in years. As I was stomping around shouting, Bloody Good Chap commented “Wow, I’ve never seen you this angry Dre.” I paused, mid stomp, and agreed. It was like I was going back to my pre-mindfulness ways, letting my anger take me over and…

How to find your bloody elusive passion

How to find your bloody elusive passion

7 years ago if you’d asked me what my passion was, I would have made up some bollocks about blending the mathematical, practical side of architecture with the conceptual creative side, which would segue into telling you that I have an architecture degree so that you’d know I was a practical, intelligent person, not a…

Are your friends & family theifing off with your fulfilment?

Are your friends & family theifing off with your fulfilment?

Not long after my Mind Body Green obsession began, still at sea, both literally and metaphorically, I realised that the healthy shenanigans articles I was reading were all written by people who had trained at the Institute of Integrative Nutrition. I looked it up and realised that I could study health coaching part time while…

How a bunch of kale lead me to my passion

How a bunch of kale lead me to my passion

I remember it clearly, the moment I realised I just couldn’t stand another day of architecbollocks (the language architecture students speak when discussing their work). It was September 2009 and I sat cringing in the first week of my masters of architecture class in Dublin. I had no idea what else to do with my…

Is your career meddling with finding your passion?

Is your career meddling with finding your passion?

By my second year of uni, I was firmly in the grip of the travel bug. Even so, I told Matt, I would have to finish my degree off first, then go travelling to work my shit out. True to my word, the minute I graduated I spent all my money shooting off to Europe…

The missing find-your-passion ingredient that keeps buggering everything up

The missing find-your-passion ingredient that keeps buggering everything up

In 2008 I sat with my mate Matt, one of my fellow architecture buddies at uni who designed crazy buildings with pink curvy tunnel things, sighing with defeat as I told him how I just wasn’t that passionate about being an architect like he was. I’d received two academic scholarships that would pay for most…

The bitchy chick who unexpectedly bought me flowers

The bitchy chick who unexpectedly bought me flowers

Today a chick who’s been a real bitch to me lately completely surprised me by buying me flowers. Lately I’d been worrying a lot that she thinks I’m a dick. When I tell her what I’m up to at work lately (a fair bit of procrastinating), she has a little barely-hidden judgemental look in her…

How to make your day a heap brighter

How to make your day a heap brighter

Yesterday I opened my inbox to find two emails that really surprised me. Though I definitely understood where they were coming from. The first said: “Hi Andrea. LOVE, LOVE your stuff. I’ve been especially just blown away by the wisdom recently.” [+ a bunch of other lovely stuff that I won’t include here to keep…

How to inspire people even when you feel like what you have to say is probably boring

How to inspire people even when you feel like what you have to say is probably boring

Yesterday a handyman called Bob came over to help me fix up a few things around the house that I couldn’t work out how to do. As he worked, Bob started telling me how his real name was Roberto, pronounced with an Italian flair and a rolled “R”, but that he was mocked so much…

Is Chemistry Necessary?

Is Chemistry Necessary?

Image via Pinterest Guest Post by Kim Anami   This is one of the most common things I get asked about: How important is chemistry? Can you get it back if you once had it? What if you never had it? For starters, what is chemistry? Chemistry is the weak-in-the-knees, tingle-in-your-loins, lighting up that takes place…

The most life-changing lesson I’ve learnt this year

The most life-changing lesson I’ve learnt this year

In between all the tears over the past few weeks I’ve been thinking a lot about the point of emotional pain. I decided to do a little stocktake of the stand-out horrible and stand-out bloody good moments of my life so far to see if I could find a pattern in the madness. When I…

How to Come Together

How to Come Together

Image via Pinterest Guest Post by Kim Anami Coming together happens on a few levels. When we are emotionally connected and open with each other, the orgasmic “coming together” happens easily. When we are blocked and shut down toward each other, the distance prevents any kind of coming together. In this scenario, a couple is…

What to do with tricky emotions when they just keep coming back

What to do with tricky emotions when they just keep coming back

Yesterday my tears joined in with the splish splashing of the shower. Unlike other times I’ve felt pain, I allowed this pain to come, to wash over me and through me and out my eyes and down the drain. As I stood there engulfed in steam I suddenly had a moment of clarity: Pain has…

Gourmet Sex: The Fastest Path to Growth

Gourmet Sex: The Fastest Path to Growth

Image via Pinterest Guest Post by Kim Anami Even though we can go a certain distance on our own paths of personal and spiritual growth, at a certain point, you are going to need a partner to take you to the next level. Your absolute deepest wounds will be triggered—especially if you are deeply in…

Do you disproportionately freak out when you wear that nice dress?

Do you disproportionately freak out when you wear that nice dress?

Bloody Good Chap got the shock of his life when I called him into the changing rooms of a trendy store in LA to find a blonde chick in a sparkly gold dress. He did a double take, no way his ripped-shorts, converse-addicted girlfriend would ever be found in such a feminine dress. He was…

An actual guide for how to love yourself (even when the phrase pisses you off)

An actual guide for how to love yourself (even when the phrase pisses you off)

Last weekend I had one of the best weekends I’ve had in a long time, and all it took was a giant catastrophe to occur.* * a giant catastrophe in the first world probl Despite the fact that my weekend was tinged by some painful emotions (or perhaps because it was), I flung myself into…

How to handle the kind of painful emotions that had me wailing on the floor this week

How to handle the kind of painful emotions that had me wailing on the floor this week

On Monday I cried more than I thought was possible for one human face. My nose was sand paper raw from all the toilet paper I used up (I only ever realise I need to own tissues when I’m far too much of a mess to present myself in at a supermarket). There are some…

What to do when someone just really pisses you off AND you’re annoyed at yourself for being annoyed

What to do when someone just really pisses you off AND you’re annoyed at yourself for being annoyed

Yesterday I was listening to a podcast and I got really pissed off. One of the presenters kept interrupting really gold bits of information to say things like “I just wanted to say, this is awesome. This is gold” and “I’ve had one million years of experience at this, and I really think this is…

How to beat yourself up less for a causelessly bad day

How to beat yourself up less for a causelessly bad day

This morning started badly when an attempt to put on mascara (going home to see BGC innit) turned abruptly to lying on the bathroom floor with my legs up the wall and my heart fluttering annoyingly. Today I learnt that trying to outstaunch shaky faintness doesn’t work. Low blood pressure is a real ball ache…

What to do when you just really want your boyfriend to start buying you flowers again

What to do when you just really want your boyfriend to start buying you flowers again

On our second date BGC prepared a home cooked picnic with his My-Melbourne-Friends Famous sweet potato tuna cakes, but as it was raining a lake that day, he instead purchased a giant umbrella so he could walk me to our plan B mexican restaurant. He also bought me a bar of Pana Chocolate wrapped in…

What to do when your mind takes over with 5am tales of infidelity

What to do when your mind takes over with 5am tales of infidelity

This morning I woke up from a nightmare that BGC had just told me he’d slept with someone else. I turned to him sleeping next to me and wondered if I should hug him to calm myself down. He’s usually my go to for making me feel better when irrational emotions crop up. But then…

How to meet your sexy partner in crime, and other scary-as-hell things

How to meet your sexy partner in crime, and other scary-as-hell things

Four years ago, I had never dated before. I’d met my boyfriends at Uni and while travelling, no effort required. So when I moved off superyachts to try and live a “real life”, I freaked out. I wanted to meet a sexy partner in crime, but the idea of Tinder dating or going to bars…

What do to when “ummmm… hmphh” is your mind’s default response to sex

What do to when “ummmm… hmphh” is your mind’s default response to sex

Lately when I think about sex, my mind says “Ummmm… hmphh”. Even though I’ve done all these sex courses. Even though I read and talk so much about sex. Even though my sex life in the past 2 years is more phenomenal than it’s ever been in any other relationship, by quadruple. Even though I…

G'day, I'm Andrea

I'm a mindfulness facilitator and former cynical pessimist.

I used to be an awkward, pessimistic, overachiever.

Life looked good on the outside, but on the inside things were average.

I was indecisive, I didn't know what to do with my life, I self-sabotaged the hell out of my relationships.

I had a feeling I was going to keep f-ing things up for myself unless something radical changed.

The life handbrake-turn that followed over the next few years came as the result of learning what I now teach in my unconventional mind-taming program for indecisive overachievers - Bloody Good Life. Just practical, relatable techniques without any rainbow and butterfly jibber jabber.