What’s going on with my libido?

What’s going on with my libido?

Today I woke up in a lot of pain and had to very regretfully cancel my morning clients.

Why? Because I’m a female. So I lay in bed and felt sorry for myself. (The benefits of working from home!)

I used to pretend not to be a female

– I called myself a tom boy and ran around climbing trees and swearing a lot (old habits die hard), trying to get people to call me Andie because it was half a boys name. But spelled with an ie because I also kind of wanted to be like Andie from Dawson’s Creek.

But, in recent years, namely through researching Tantra and doing Kim Anami’s ‘Well F*cked Woman‘ course, I have finally realised that I am in fact a female, and I’m proud of it.

See, as females we have fluctuating hormones in our body throughout the month, and they cause huge physiological changes in our body and mind.

If you aren’t aware of what’s going on, it can really mess with your enjoyment of life, because if it catches you by surprise, it makes you think there’s something wrong with you.

Last year I went and learnt the Sympto-Thermal Method for monitoring my body’s fertility throughout the month,

because the pill fucks with my happiness and sex drive and I was no longer having a bar of it.

STM (when taught properly by an awesome teacher like mine) is 99.7% effective, the same as the pill.

Also I wanted to learn more about how my body works, sex ed in school didn’t really cover it.

Now I can track my fertile symptoms, and they tell me all sorts of interesting information. (Disclaimer – this method obviously doesn’t cover STIs and is only to be used with a long term partner when you can both get tested! Otherwise, condoms for the win!) The most important part for me has been learning how I feel during different stages of my cycle, and knowing what’s going on to create these changes.

At the beginning of my cycle I feel energised, productive, light, I do an especially high number of handstands,

and I often drop all attachment to males – I just really feel like I don’t need them at all, ever!

How useful this information would have been in the past if I’d known that once a month I would experience a burning desire to break up with my boyfriend. I always assumed it was his fault!

When I’m ovulating, my sex drive goes nuts,

even the postman with his fluro flappy hat becomes attractive in my ovulating eyes.

This is also an excellent time to throw myself into creative projects, I get really inspired and excited about life.

Towards the end of my cycle I just want a hug, lots of hugs, I feel more needy, I find myself on Tinder a lot more, I buy Cadbury marshmallow easter eggs and eat 6 in a row (I seriously did that yesterday – if that wasn’t a sign that my period was coming, I don’t know what is!), I feel less energetic, and really, really thirsty! And sometimes more snappy, or irritable, though not so much anymore.

Why am I telling you all this?

Because as a female (or a male trying to date a female!) it’s important to know that your hormones (and therefore moods and energy levels) are on the move constantly, and it’s an awesome thing to learn the science behind what your body is up to.

Tracking my cycle (and understanding the physiological changes that come with it) is one of the best things I’ve ever done for understanding my changes in temperament and energy,

so that I can just go with it and stop trying to struggle against myself.

When I routinely feel tired and introverted towards the end of my cycle, instead of trying to push myself to do exercise my body clearly isn’t up for, and pushing myself to work harder and hang out with a million people when I just don’t have the motivation for it, I let myself off the hook and don’t feel guilty for calming down and bailing on high intensity exercise. I can plan for it. I can also plan for times when I know I’ll be really motivated and productive, it’s really useful.

I often suggest to my female clients that they start a cycle diary, sounds mad I know, but all you do is write the number of the day of your cycle each day, and the prevailing moods and energy levels (I’ve heard M. Cycles is a good app for that) – you will notice patterns after a few months. Just knowing the reasons behind your mood changes and allowing for them can be a real game changer for your bloody good life.

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G'day, I'm Andrea

I'm a mindfulness facilitator and former cynical pessimist.

I used to be an awkward, pessimistic, overachiever.

Life looked good on the outside, but on the inside things were average.

I was indecisive, I didn't know what to do with my life, I self-sabotaged the hell out of my relationships.

I had a feeling I was going to keep f-ing things up for myself unless something radical changed.

The life handbrake-turn that followed over the next few years came as the result of learning what I now teach in my unconventional mind-taming program for indecisive overachievers - Bloody Good Life. Just practical, relatable techniques without any rainbow and butterfly jibber jabber.