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What to do when your mind gets stuck on rumination mode

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Last week I caught Neville becoming as repetitive as that time my dad gave my 16yo self a party pill and I talked a random guy’s ear off.

“I’m sad.” Neville mourned. “So sad. So lonely. I miss BGC. I’m alone. Alooooone. Sad and alone. Alone and sad. So sad. And alone.”

When I noticed this dialogue, I couldn’t help but laugh.

Neville became indignant.

“I’m SAD!!!” he shouted. “And ALONE!!!”

“And I NEED to think about it some more!!”

Neville always thinks he can figure out an answer to all problems.

I know this pattern of Neville’s better than I know the back of my hand. (Because who really knows the back of their hand that well?)

I call this pattern the “I’m sad” train.

It helps having a name to categorise it, because when I notice the “I’m sad” train starting up, I can leap right off before it takes me down into a dark-ass tunnel of self pity.

When we perceive there is something wrong in our life (which Neville certainly does at the moment – I’m currently riding out a few tsunamis worth of post-breakup grief in the midst of all the corona madness), our mind has a tendency to try to use thinking to try to “solve” the issue.

Even when the issue is inherently unsolvable. As is the case with grief.

Thinking about our problems can be incredibly addictive.

It gives us the illusion that we are in control, even when we’re really not.

The thoughts always come with an unspoken promise that eventually, EV-ENNNNN-TUALLYYY through thinking, we will find the solution. And all will be miraculously fixed.

But I know from extreme amounts of experience that repetitive rumination NEVER, not EVER solves any problems.

It only perpetuates them. In fact, quite frequently,

rumination and worry takes a small pixel of a thing and blows it up into a 52 inch flat screen that hovers in front of your face, dominating your attention all day long.

A huge part of learning to tame your mind is to start to realise just how futile so much of our thinking is.
We need to recognise thinking (especially worrying) as the addiction it is.

And then start taking steps to unhook ourselves from the addiction and bring our focus back to what we’re doing.
Moment by moment.

Because at the same time as yesterday’s “I’m sad” rendition, I was cooking gluten free gyoza.
Which meant I had two options for where to put my attention.

1. (Neville’s pick, always): ruminate on the problem. Chew it over, and over, and over, just in case I could think of a solution. (I couldn’t).

2. Focus on the feeling of the gyoza pastry in my fingers. The floury surface as I rolled it out. The smell of the ginger and garlic as it sizzled in the pan. The cold of the spoon as I spooned the ingredients onto the pastry. The squishy feeling of the pastry as I pressed the edges with my fingers.

To be honest, at the time, I got fully on the “I’m sad” train and overstayed my welcome. ????????‍♀️

Only in writing this blog post have I realised all the present moment sensations I missed out on yesterday while caught up in rumination.

BUT, hopefully, when you next catch yourself ruminating, you’ll remember my silly mistake, and, being the wise badger you are, you’ll focus on your damn senses rather than your mind!

I promise you, your thoughts are not nearly as useful as they’d have you believe.

Ps — To learn more about regulating your emotions like the kind of legend that doesn’t throw coke at me, head over here to check out Bloody Good Life, an unconventional mind-taming program for overthinkers.

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