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Like many other strong, independent women of my generation, I accidentally took feminism to mean that I would need to be more like a man, less emotional, less feminine, less ME in order to succeed and be respected in this male dominated world.

I scoffed at those “girly girls” that wore short dresses and ate salads, preferring to eat Maccas and drink beers with the boys wearing my scruffy jeans and converse shoes.

I always tried to look hot, but I put a fair bit of effort in to make it look like I’d put no effort in at all.

Being a type-A overachieving perfectionist, I also became something of a control freak, and I would often accidentally boss my boyfriends around and get irritated with them for stupid things.

If there was something that needed fixing, I would tell my boyfriend to bugger off, go and get one of my power tools, and sort things out myself.

I never let men pay for me, I made sure everything was equal and square.

I thought I was totally nailing life as a feminist.

The only problem was, before long, I didn’t really feel that sexually attracted to my partners.

I was so in charge, and so firmly “wearing the pants” in the relationship, that I sometimes walked all over my partners and they had no choice but to step down and make way for me to take control.

Which lead me to not really fancy them all that much when it came to sex.

I thought there must be something wrong with me, I didn’t seem to have much of a libido.

Until one day, I came across a program that so radically changed the course of my life that I’m still here promoting it as a proud affiliate, 6 years later.

I was single when I signed up for Kim Anami’s Well F*%ed Woman program, and not exactly oozing with confidence in the bedroom. I thought I was just going to learn some good sex skills to try on my future partners.

What I learnt instead blew my mind a lot more than any nifty techniques – which I also learnt!

The very first module pissed me off when Kim explained the concept of femininity and masculinity. I thought…

“F that, I don’t want to be all “feminine”.

In my mind, feminine = girly = weak and pathetic. Also feminine = non-feminist.

What I hadn’t realised, until I got further into the module, is that I’d actually internalised a LOT of crap about what it means to be feminine.

Without knowing it, I’d gotten on board with the patriarchal way of oppressing the feminine, shaming sexual women as “slutty”, and equating anything feminine with weakness.

Instead of becoming a true feminist and owning myself as a sexually empowered, embodied woman, I’d just tried to become more like a man.

And, in short, it was fucking with my libido, and not in a good way.

I’d read all the 50 shades books (despite the crap writing) and thought (much to my feminist horror)… that’s what I want from sex,

I want someone to take charge so I can let go of control for once. I wondered why my partners could never seem to step up and take change like I wanted them to.

But until I did the Well F*%ed Woman program, I had no idea that it was actually ME stopping my partners from stepping into the strong, masculine presence that I wanted them to be in the bedroom.

My inability to let go of control, to surrender, to trust, to open up, to be vulnerable (all qualities of the “feminine”) was turning off my libido in a big way, and my tendency to control and boss my partners around was squashing the masculine in them.

Ah, shit, I thought… I’ve got some work to do.

And so, with the help of Kim’s incredible Well F*%ed Woman program, I did the work. It was scary, exciting, refreshing, frustrating, enlivening, and eye opening all at the same time.

Just as Kim had promised, my life started to blossom in ways I couldn’t have expected. I felt more alive, more charismatic, more confident, and the quality of my writing skyrocketed.

This was back in the very early days of Project Self, and I can attribute a lot of my early business success to the work I did in Kim’s program.

It is thanks to what I learnt in the WFW program that I have an incredible relationship with Bloody Good Chap now 4.5 years later.

It is the first relationship in my life where I’ve been able to be truly vulnerable, to open up, to allow him to take control (sometimes), to look after me (sometimes) and to allow myself to be more feminine than I ever gave myself permission to be before.

It feels like I’m 100% me – not some curated version of me trying to be what society thinks I “should” be.

I’m still a control freak, and I still like to wear pants, and be the one that fixes things around the house – I love what woo-woo people call the “masculine” side of me. I also still don’t like salad. But I also now love the feminine in me, too.

I’m forever grateful for the huge impact the Well F*%ed Woman program had on my life, and I’m passionate about sharing it with those of you who feel excited and intrigued by the idea of becoming a more sexually empowered woman.

The program is now open for registration for 1 week only, I highly recommend you have a gander by clicking here.

And if you do sign up for the WFW program using my affiliate links, message me with “Kim Anami WFW” so I can send you my Sex & Mindfulness bonus video too!

Keen to work with me 1:1 and get clear on what you want and how to get out of your own way? I have a few spots coming available over the next few months!

Check the BGL 1:1 mentoring program and book a free chat with me here.

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Friday morning last week I went to the Mullumbimby farmers markets and wandered around buying fresh vegetables for my friends to arrive back to after their busy trip to the charity they started in Africa (yes, I know.) Around the market, people were walking slowly,...

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Keen to work with me 1:1 and get clear on what you want and how to get out of your own way? I have a few spots coming available over the next few months!

Check the BGL 1:1 mentoring program and book a free chat with me here.