Not long after Bloody Good Chap and I started dating, he turned to me and said “I don’t think you have a negative bone in your body.”
It was quite the shock for a former self-professed pessimist.
I remember people outwardly describing me as a pessimist. I always agreed, I was proud that I was
(and therefore, in my mind, intelligent).
I went back to my hometown for a wedding a few months ago and found it really weird being back there with all the memories of old relationships and friendships in which I was a very different person. There was a lot of pretending going on when I lived in Auckland 7 years ago.
From the outside I would have looked like your average person, happy, hardworking, had my shit together.
But inside I was lost, numb, and really rather bored with life.
I picked fights with boyfriends to create drama and excitement (though at the time they felt rational), had run ins with friends when my strong moods make me irritable and intolerant at the drop of a hat. I liked my own way and I didn’t consider any other.
I was ruled by my emotions, never satisfied, and often bored.
Never excited to wake up.
I was all about black-out curtains. I always found myself thinking about something else when other people were talking to me. I tried not to but I always ended up bitching about other people with friends. It made me feel better somehow.
But also worse.
I got really very angry in traffic, and I was very, very impatient and reactive. And I was really insecure. I cared so much about how I looked. I thought people would only like me if I was hot. Which meant never getting my hair wet so it would stay straightened. Which meant not going camping or swimming with my head underwater or dancing in the rain or leaving the house without a hood and umbrella. I wouldn’t even take off my eye makeup when sleeping next to my long term boyfriend. I thought he wouldn’t like me without it.
Being back in Auckland and being around my old friends always reminds me of how much I’ve changed.
These days I’m happy. Content. I listen to people – properly. I enjoy the moment where I am, rather than always seeking to be elsewhere.
I appreciate everything I have. I don’t pick fights, I’m tolerant, I’m malleable to new ideas, and I go with the flow much more often (though I still prefer my own way, and of course I’m always right!)
I have passion and excitement when I talk.
I know what I’m doing with my life, and I really fucking care about it. And others. I hate speaking negatively about others and try to avoid people who do. I make friends easily, I’m comfortable in my own skin, I’m not so much bothered by what others think of me. I own a granny trolley and I don’t give a f. I’m not very reactive to others’ rudeness and anger anymore.
I feel stable, and sure; I have a deep sense of calm; like I’m on the right track.
I’m still a perfectionist
I still like my way, I still pile too much on my plate and freak out. I still care about how I look, but not to the point that it alters my behaviour. I still find my mind wandering, but I know what to do when it does. My emotions still get the upper hand sometimes, but not for long, I know how to catch them and drop them.
These things are what makes a bloody good life.
I’m still me. I’m just less of the bad and more of the good.
Your negative traits aren’t set – they’re changeable.
If your life isn’t as bloody good as you want it to be – it can be!! You just need to do Bloody Good Life 101!
It doesn’t require any magic or mumbo jumbo.
It requires learning to rewire your brain and your mind with simple techniques. I teach these techniques to my amazing clients in Bloody Good Life 101.
Check it out, I’ve got new testimonials! (Snazzy eh!)
Project Self is about showing as many people as possible that that gnawing sense of dissatisfaction that threads through the background of your life – most of us have it – it’s changeable!
Whether you go on that journey by yourself, or by reading my posts and others, or by working with me in Bloody Good Life 101- it’s all awesome. If life’s already awesome- awesome!