How to handle competition and envy in female friendships

Confidence, Friendships

In the last few weeks, a friend of mine has completely shifted the way I think about jealousy and competition.

Y’know that subtle jealousy that lurks around in the background of many female friendships…

My mate Jess is a facilitator who runs her own mindfulness business, as I do. Yet for the last few years, she’s raved to people about me and my mindfulness programs, and given me so much helpful advice and support along the way.

Recently Jess recommended me to the legends at A-Space, a thriving meditation & mindfulness studio in Melbourne which opened up the incredible opportunity for me to facilitate workshops for the Lululemon head offices in Australia.

Another legendary friend, Liv, also an incredible mindfulness facilitator, has also set up meetings that have led me to become a mindfulness facilitator with Smiling Mind, running corporate workshops and educational workshops at schools around Australia AND encouraged me to become a mindfulness tutor at Monash University for medical students.

All of these incredible opportunities that I’ve received over the last couple of years have been down to the support and encouragement of these two brilliant women.

I have been blown away by Jess and Liv’s generosity of spirit and encouragement.

Instead of holding their cards to their chest and trying to compete with me, they’ve empowered me at every turn, and even just writing about it brings tears to my eyes.

As females, we very quickly become used to being in competition with other females. I’ve always tried to hide or downplay my successes to females for fear that they’ll judge me, or worse, respond in their best fake voice:

“Ohhhh that’s so great, I’m sooo HAPPY for you…”

The barely disguised jealousy in their voice makes me feel ill. 😬

Many times I’ve done the same — congratulated women on their successes while simultaneously feeling that sick feeling, like their success somehow makes me a failure. Then I feel angry at myself for not being happier for my friend.

Which of course makes everything worse. If you struggle with jealousy and comparison, check out this blog post: What to do when you get jealous AF of a friend.

Living in a male dominated world has conditioned us to compete against other women in a bid to prove ourselves worthy.

It does feel as though we’re starting to wake up and choosing to act differently.

Instead we’re working to empower and uplift each other, rather than standing on each other to try to get to the top.

I’ve always felt that I have to work extra hard to get to the top and prove myself because I’m not a man, and am not taken as seriously by default. I know that this has sometimes meant competing with other women to try to get to the top.

I don’t know where this notion came from that there can only be one winner in life, and that it’s a competition, rather than a mission to all rise while uplifting other women with us.

But it’s friends like Jess and Liv, and in fact all the friends I now hold dear in my life, that are showing me that I can trust other females to truly want the best for each other and to empower rather than resent.

Jealousy and resentment will keep us all down together.

Bigging-up our fellow women will lift us all together.

I know which feelings I prefer.

But I also know that jealousy and resentment is reflexive — no one WANTS to feel jealous or resentful of their friends (or anyone), so if that’s you —

Please don’t shame yourself for feeling jealous.

Taming your mind and learning the skills to manage your emotions is the most effective way to drop envy and resentment (IMO). Both of which are the main skills you’ll learn if you join us in the Bloody Good Life program. With a 30 day money back guarantee, you can try it out and see if it’s a good fit for you.

When we can learn to tame our mind and take our mind’s unhelpful opinions less seriously, jealousy and resentment become a LOT easier to dissolve.

When the mind is always telling us we’re not enough (as it bloody loves to do) — we feel like we need to find ways to feel superior to others to prove to ourselves that we ok

— and that’s a never ending downward spiral.

When we learn to tame our mind, we naturally start to become less judgemental, less jealous and less resentful of others.

And ourselves.

If you’ve been thinking of doing the much loved Bloody Good Life program, this is your last chance. BGL will be closing its doors from July this year.

Learn to tame your overthinking mind and get clear on your direction (plus a handful of other benefits you won't expect).

→ Put your name on the Bloody Good Life waitlist here.

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