When I first started dating Bloody Good Bloke, I only wore my best underwear (out ya go, neon green Bonds hipster undies!),

I was always on my best behaviour, and I continued being all independent and fun.

I kept my social calendar full.

I probably even did more than normal so he would know I’m a really fun, interesting person.

Camping? Yea, I do that allll the time, I’m really outdoorsy and down to earth and stuff.

< Pst – note from Andrea — this is a flashback post that I originally posted back in 2015! — I’m currently bloody busy running corporate workshops for the next few weeks so I haven’t had the brain space to write any new blogs… so in the meantime here ya go! >

Before I was sure he was into me I had to ensure I was on my A game.

When I’m focused on being the best version of me, life feels really fun, exciting, fresh.

Likewise when I used to start a new job, I was diligent and efficient, super focussed, and I got shit done. I tried to impress my employer with my efficiency, and I felt really onto it.

Then…

As I started to master a new job, I would get complacent. I knew what I was doing, so I went on autopilot. I didn’t focus so much because I didn’t need to.

The excitement of the new job started to wear off, and my iPhone made its way onto the desk.

When I was sure that BGB fancied me,

I started to become complacent. My A game slid to B.

I started to take his interest for granted and I shifted my focus away from impressing him. In doing so, I stopped impressing myself.

When we don’t find something challenging anymore, we lose focus. Things become too easy, and we get bored.

This is why so many of us constantly seek the next job, the next promotion, the next babe. We start to pick apart our partner and wonder whether they’re really so perfect. We cause fights to try and spice things up a bit and patch over the neutralness.

We don’t tend to like feeling too neutral.

We prefer flair, excitement, ALIVEness.

In anything we put our mind to, the intense focus usually only lasts as long as it takes for us to master it. Then our mind moves on to ‘better things’.

When our mind isn’t where we are, life loses its shine.

This was the case for my whole life, all the way up until I learnt to tame my mind.

I was never satisfied with what I had. I’d start a job, master it fairly quickly, and then be looking around for the next challenge. I’d start a project, work on it until I’d mastered the new skills, and then abandon it mid project. On to the next.

I did the same with travel – moving from country to country, job to job, never content for long.

I did the same with relationships, started out excited and in love, then as I became more and more sure of their love for me, I became complacent; took them for granted, and more often than not caused drama to try and jazz things back up a bit.

My subconscious thrived on causing havoc in the relationship.

I’d push the relationship to near breaking point (or I’d just break up with them), then realise what I’d lost and make it a challenge to be on my A game and get them back. I didn’t realise it at the time, but I was probably just trying to recreate that ‘new relationship feeling’.

Everything changed when I realised I didn’t have to let go of that new job/ new relationship feeling.

It all comes down to focus. When you’re in something new, you focus on it, you give it your full attention in the present moment.

As a result, you feel more alive.

When you start to lose focus, your mind wanders to other things.

You’re here in the moment, but your mind is somewhere else. Life starts to feel a bit dull.

Boredom and dissatisfaction come only from your mind. When your mind is somewhere else, your ability to enjoy life is somewhere else too.

You’ll notice that when you put your full attention into things, you can’t possibly be bored or dissatisfied, no matter what you’re doing.

When your focus is here and now, you’ll feel alive, here and now.

Keen to learn the skills so you can feel that “new job/ relationship feeling” more often than not?

Check out the Bloody Good Life mind-taming program. You can do-it-yourself if you’re a self-motivated ninja… or if you want to really get stuck in and make big shifts quickly, I have a couple of spots coming up in my 1:1 coaching schedule over the next couple of months, book in for a free chat with me here.