Who is my Self and what does she want?

Who is my Self and what does she want?

A few years ago, I had no idea what I wanted to do next with my life. I had a degree that I didn’t want to use, and I didn’t have a clue what the next step was. I was riddled with indecision and plagued by over-thinking, but I couldn’t make a decision because I didn’t even know what I was passionate about. I didn’t really know who I was supposed to be anymore, let alone what I wanted.

I felt that I needed to “find myself,”

but the phrase pissed me off, and I didn’t know what the bloody hell to do about it.

So I set off to travel the world, it was the only thing I knew that made me really happy.

Many people go on a mission to “find themselves” like I did, but most of us end up travelling the world only to realise that our “self” was there along.

What you actually have to do to “find yourself” is peel off the layers that you’ve created over years of conforming to societal etiquette and pretending to fit in.

I’ve written about this before here

it’s why travel is so transformative – it removes you from the family/social expectations and cultural setting you grew up with

so that you can experiment with being yourself without fear of judgement.

Many of us have  spent so long trying to pull the white wool over our black coat that we’ve forgotten what we look like underneath.

We spend our lives following what everyone else is doing, getting good grades, going to uni, getting a good job, working our way up – and so rarely do we stop to consider if it’s really what we want? Because when we do, in floods a sea of panic and overwhelm at the decisions and options facing us. So we put our head back down and keep marching in the direction that we’ve had set out for us.

Surely the money and success will make us happy in the end,

won’t it?

Failing the kind of self-exploration that travel provides, we tend to base our identity on our job/house/car/relationships/status.

Many of my clients tell me that

they can’t remember what makes them particularly joyful anymore. 

They’re not exactly sure who they are outside of their external identity.

This causes both a sense of numbness; and massive instability when a job or relationship ends, because it’s like they’re losing part of their identity.

I’ve written about this before here

So if you’re going through a bit of a transitional period in your life, wondering what’s next, who am I, what do I want (etc, etc), consider that you don’t really need to work out who you are.

If you feel like you’ve lost your sense of self or your sense of direction, all that has happened is that you’ve spent so long listening to your mind (as it tells you what not to do incase you get judged), that you’ve temporarily forgotten.

Bloody Good Life 101 will help you remember. Check out the program here 

Ps. this is me in a sex shop in Amsterdam checking out a few possible ‘self’ options. Luckily purple has never been my colour.

Have you checked out our blog lately? I’ve written about overcoming procrastination, increasing confidence, and how not to lie awake at night thinking so much (among many other things)! Check out all our posts here.


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G'day, I'm Andrea

I'm a mindfulness facilitator and former cynical pessimist.

I used to be an awkward, pessimistic, overachiever.

Life looked good on the outside, but on the inside things were average.

I was indecisive, I didn't know what to do with my life, I self-sabotaged the hell out of my relationships.

I had a feeling I was going to keep f-ing things up for myself unless something radical changed.

The life handbrake-turn that followed over the next few years came as the result of learning what I now teach in my unconventional mind-taming program for indecisive overachievers - Bloody Good Life. Just practical, relatable techniques without any rainbow and butterfly jibber jabber.