Today it’s been a whole year since Bloody Good Chap and I gazed at each other across a crowded Tinder screen and swiped left. Or is it right? I just had to google that to check.
How time flies when you’ve deleted Tinder.
Bloody Good Chap has now been my number one Project Self marketing tool for 1 whole year!
Happy anniversary to the bloody goodest chap I’ve ever met. Let’s high five. Tanks a million (Irish accent) for helping me grow like a wayward bean in need of a bean pole, supporting me like a hot rolled structural steel I beam, even when I Love-Actually jump on you and knock you over, and for making me feel good about myself every day, mad hair and no makeup notwithstanding. (And a million other things that I won’t make the Project Self followers cringe through!)
You’re a bloody legend.
I used to be a bit of a psycho girlfriend in past relationships.
Though looking around at most people today, I would call my former snappy trout self an everyday regular girlfriend. Just because it’s normal for so many of us to turn into snippy stress bags does not mean that it’s ok. If you’re picking up what I’m putting down, I know where you’re at, I have some answers for you.
After the initial in love phase, I would get all fight-picky and do my best to create random drama over stupid shit and totally f things up. I was a pro at turning a tiny ant hill into Mount Kilimanjaro. It was definitely not cool.
I have no idea how I consistently found such lovely, tolerant men who put up with my crap,
nor why they didn’t throw shoes at me in frustration.
Now that I’ve been with BGC for some time now, I’m noticing how stark the difference is between how I am with him and how I was in my past relationships. He’s the first person I’ve been in a proper relationship with since learning the bloody good life skills I now teach in Bloody Good Life 101. And it makes it clearer than ever: I’m like a completely different person. I’ve seriously upgraded from my former moody self.
But since being with BGC a year now I have noticed that my mind is becoming more and more comfortable, and pipes up more often with reasons to nag or snap or complain. Why are you holding the teatowel like that??
Mostly I use my mindfulness (ninja) techniques and my potential snap buggers off. Mostly.
It’s been making me think about how odd it is that as humans we can change so much when we get comfortable.
I think this is a large part of why falling in love can be so confusing.
We fall in love with this magical, beautiful, unicorn
of a person because the best version of ourselves comes out when we’re filled with falling-in-love hormones. We’re in a mindful/ cherish the moment/ non-taking-for-granted-ing/ playing our A game state.
When the love chemicals wear off and everyday life stresses start to build up again, we suddenly find ourselves holding hands with a much less friendly specimen who gets pissed when we chop carrots in the wrong direction.
And we realise that we ourselves have become a more moody, less enjoyable specimen too; and we worry that no-one else will have us.
After a few failed relationships we detect a pattern, and eventually we conclude that no-one is a unicorn forever so we may as well put up with what we’ve got (in ourselves and in our partner).
Or we remain perpetually single;
constantly enjoying the high of being the best version of ourselves and enjoying the best version of our partner, until our other sides reveal themselves; at which point we end it and move on to the next.
There’s a Cherokee proverb which perfectly sums it up:
“There is a battle of two wolves inside us all. One is evil. It is anger, jealousy, greed, resentment, lies, inferiority and ego. The other is good. It is joy, peace, love, hope, humility, kindness, empathy and truth. The wolf that wins? The one you feed.”
Project Self translation:
[I use ‘she’ for the sake of ease; it’s interchangeable with ‘he’.]
“There is a battle of two chaps inside us all. One is a dickhead. She causes fights and problems; she’s insecure or arrogant (the former causes the latter); pretends to be someone she’s not; pisses people off; gets irritated; bites easily and doesn’t like herself much.
The other is a bloody legend. She lights up the room with charisma and confidence; makes others laugh; is a magnet for good things; yet is still humble and kind. Everyone wants to be mates with her or date her because she seems like someone worth knowing.
The chap that wins the battle to become your ‘Self’? The one you give the most attention to.”
– – – – – –
These wolves/ chaps feed off our thoughts.
We have evolved to think negatively by default. It’s biological, it happens without us even knowing.
Our tendency towards assuming the worst has meant our survival as a species, but it also now means that everyday stress can cause a disproportionate number of negative thoughts to arise, which in turn feeds the dickhead and not the bloody legend.
And we mistakenly end up thinking that’s who we are.
But it’s not you, it’s just a dickhead getting in your way.
– – – – –
My mission with Project Self is to show you that there are practical techniques with which you can manage the negative, stressful thoughts, so that the good version of you has room to grow and the dickhead version takes a backseat.
This is what Bloody Good Life 101 is all about.
It’s all about using a bunch of bloody good mindfulness related techniques to bring out the bloody legend and retire the dickhead.
IMAGINE THAT ‘GOOD DAY’ VERSION OF YOU BECOMES YOUR EVERYDAY SELF.
Well, your most days self, at least.
That’s what has happened for me.
Life is genuinely bloody good most of the time, and when it’s not, I know how to get back to ‘good’ days much more quickly.
I know how to retire the dickhead-girlfriend me and bring out the legend-girlfriend me. And I’ve taught BGC how to do the same. Though he was already much more of a legend to begin with, so it didn’t take much learning.
It’s made for the bloody goodest of years and the bloody goodest of relationships.
