Don’t Put a Coke Near a Coke Addict

Last night I stayed up past midnight watching a chick burning her tongue while boiling pasta in Switzerland, two dudes driving to Manchester, a lipstick tutorial in Cork, some hungover dudes playing PlayStation with sunglasses on in Milan, someone silently filming a murky river in Wales, and a traditionally dressed dude smoking in the car with Arabic music blaring in the United Arab Emirates. I was his only viewer so I had to escape promptly!

It was my first go at working out Periscope.

What the hell, social media, what are you up to?

I’m all for this raw social movement (no filters, no editing, no rehearsing, just real life), but this is just so odd. What are people doing filming themselves boiling pasta? And 13 people watching and commenting “c’est bon les pates” (pasta is good). What the f?

But oddly addictive.

I usually sleep with my phone in another room on charge so that when I go to bed and when I wake up I don’t aimlessly scroll through bollocks.

I made the mistake of not bringing my 2nd alarm clock with me to Bali, so I’ve found myself slipping back into the habit of midnight and wake-up scrolling.

I can’t think of a quicker route out of mindfulness and into a dull, unfulfilling mood.

Even though I know this, my mind is addicted to technology, and I do it anyway, even while saying to myself “this is not fun. I hate this. Why am I doing this? I’m bored of this. I should stop”. But I don’t, usually until my eyes start to tear up and I realise I’ve only got 7 hours left to sleep (or 15 mins to get ready to go to “work”).

It’s like putting coke near a coke addict or chocolate near a chocoholic – if my phone is within reach, I will reach for it (almost against my own will!) and waste large portions of my life scrolling through various apps that I don’t care about.

So, the key is, don’t put coke near a coke addict.

Take all your million chargers and iPads and phones and laptops and put them in another room, far enough away that you won’t bother going to get them before you go to bed.

We all know iPhones can’t last more than a few milliseconds without charge, so you’re gonna have to go and put them on charge at night, even if your mind throws a tantrum.

Get yourself a new alarm clock.

In Melbourne I use my old iPhone 4 which has no apps on it, just music, yoga nidra and my alarms. You can buy these on eBay super cheap now. (Or you can just use a regular alarm clock, but I personally have a better day if I wake up with music that I love rather than a frightening beep).

You’ll be shocked at how much happier you feel when your phone steps out of the picture for a bit.

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