Sheesh, that's honest...

There’s a Legend and a Dickhead in us all

Happiness & Fulfilment, Most Popular Posts, Relationships & Sex

Image: this is my pre-bloody-good self on the way to the architecture ball. I drank so much Baileys that my boyfriend spent the night looking after me. I rewarded him by making him chase me around Eden Park and then breaking up with him before passing out. I was a dickhead, he was a legend.

It has come to my attention that a friend who knew me from my pre-bloody-good-life has been entertaining the notion that I must have joined a cult.

Being that I used to be a predominantly pessimistic, cynical person,

it is no surprise to me that this friend had seen me suddenly start writing about living a bloody good life and concluded that as I’m adverse to drugs, it must be cult or commune related.


This has been compounded by the fact that most of what I’ve learnt has been slowly taking effect over the last few years while I’ve been living overseas. My old friends see it as a sudden change in my outlook, whereas it’s actually been a gradual process of peeling away the bullshit to get to the good stuff.

I don’t blame them, I would have been sceptical myself.

But I’ve realised that I had the potential to be this much-more-easy-going person all along. I’m not a new person, I’ve just moved a few notches along the scale from the not-that-awesome version of myself towards the better version.

I’D SEEN GLIMPSES OF THE BEST VERSION OF MYSELF BEFORE (when I’d had the occasional ‘good day’).

But she had a thick cloak of future-related-stress draped around her (over a wooly jumper of insecurity), so she wasn’t generally visible to the public – nor even to me!

We all have two sides to us.

One is a bloody legend.

They’re that person that comes out when you’re having a good day; when you smile at people on the bus; when you’re in love; when life is going well.

They’re the charismatic, chilled, kind, easy going, productive, motivated, fun person that everyone loves to be around.

Life would be bloody great if we could be that person all the time.

On the other end of the scale is the not-so-awesome version of us:

The Dickhead.

It’s the side that comes out when we’re feeling down or stressed.

(S)he’s moody, highly strung, irritable, judgemental, insecure, lazy, unmotivated and sometimes just a total bitch – to ourselves and to others.

 I used to live a life mostly dominated by the latter version – the one tending towards negativity.

I’ve been learning tools to move along the scale from not-so-good to bloody good, which is why some people might be surprised that I’m “all of a sudden” rather different.

It’s the reason my first client hired me as a mindfulness coach at the beginning of 2014.

She knew me before and she knows me now, and she wanted to know how transform her life in the same way.


 – – – – –

I read a Cherokee Proverb on Pinterest recently (where else!?) which perfectly sums it up:

“There is a battle of two wolves inside us all. One is evil. It is anger, jealousy, greed, resentment, lies, inferiority and ego. The other is good. It is joy, peace, love, hope, humility, kindness, empathy and truth. The wolf that wins? The one you feed.”

Project Self translation:

[I use ‘she’ for the sake of ease; it’s interchangeable with ‘he’.]

“There is a battle of two chaps inside us all. One is a dickhead. She causes fights and problems; she’s insecure or arrogant (the former causes the latter); pretends to be someone she’s not; pisses people off; gets irritated; bites easily and doesn’t like herself much.

The other is a bloody legend. She lights up the room with charisma and confidence; makes others laugh; is a magnet for good things; yet is still humble and kind. Everyone wants to be mates with her or date her because she seems like someone worth knowing.

The chap that wins the battle to become your ‘Self’? The one you give the most attention to.”

 – – – – – –

These wolves/ chaps feed off your thoughts.

Unfortunately we have evolved to think negatively by default. It happens without us even knowing.

Our tendency towards assuming the worst has meant our survival as a species, but it also now means that everyday stress can cause a disproportionate number of negative thoughts to arise, which in turn feeds the dickhead and not the bloody legend.

And we mistakenly end up thinking that’s who we are.

But it’s not you, it’s just a dickhead getting in your way.

– – – – –

I think this is a large part of why falling in love can be so confusing.

We fall in love with this magical, beautiful, unicorn of a person because the best version of ourselves comes out when we’re filled with falling-in-love hormones.

When the love chemicals wear off and everyday life stresses start to build up again,

we suddenly find ourselves holding hands with a much less friendly specimen who gets pissed when we chop carrots in the wrong direction.

And we realise that we ourselves have become a more moody, less enjoyable specimen too; and we worry that no-one else will have us.

After a few failed relationships we detect a pattern, and eventually we conclude that no-one is a unicorn forever so we may as well put up with what we’ve got (in ourselves and in our partner).

Or we remain perpetually single; constantly enjoying the high of being the best version of ourselves and enjoying the best version of our partner, until our other sides reveal themselves; at which point we end it and move on to the next.

– – – – – 

My mission with Project Self is to show you that there are practical techniques with which you can manage the negative, stressful thoughts, so that the good version of you has room to grow and the dickhead version takes a backseat.

My signature program, Bloody Good Life will teach you everything you need to know to tame your mind, bring out the bloody legend and retire the dickhead.

Imagine that ‘good day’ version of you becomes your everyday self.

That’s what has happened for me.

Life is genuinely bloody good most of the time, and when it’s not, I know how to get back to ‘good’ days much more quickly.

// Having confidence in yourself and your decisions becomes natural

// Dramatic relationships become a thing of the past

// Break ups become easier to get over

// Future-related decisions become easier to make

// Fights with friends become a thing of the past

// Stress becomes manageable

// Meeting awesome new people becomes effortless

Shit just gets easier when you’re having a good day every day.

I’ll show you how.


Pstt - enjoyed this blog post? Splendid news! If you fancy getting these snippets of self-deprecating radical honesty delivered freshly to your inbox moments(ish) after I take them out of the gluten free oven (every week or three-ish), subscribe over here.

I have an online workshop coming up (details TBC) called How to be Less of a Dick to Yourself (AKA Self Compassion for Sceptics)! I would love you to join us — It’s going to be bloody splendid! Click here to register your interest.

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