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How to handle insecurity, doubt and indecision

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Last week I spoke about how being attractive doesn’t make you attractive.

All the qualities that I mentioned that make you attractive are the same qualities that both cause and result in a bloody good life.

These qualities are all inhibited by insecurity, self doubt and indecision.

Insecurity, doubt and indecision are caused by the mind.

And people not texting back.

And Facebook.

But mostly the mind.

Our mind loves nothing more than to base our identity on the past.

I’ll go into more detail about why our minds have evolved to think negatively another day – but essentially, our mind is designed to assume the worst, like an over cautious risk-management system.

It’s kept us alive through centuries of danger, but it doesn’t know the difference between Tiger-fear and deadline-at-work fear.

Our heart’s job is to pump blood; it does so autonomously without our input. Our mind’s job is to think; it also does so autonomously without our input.

However, in the same way that we can use exercise and nutrition to optimise the way our heart functions, we can also use exercises and techniques to optimise how our mind functions, and the types of thoughts it thinks.

It is normal in Eastern traditions to focus on the health of the mind; yoga, meditation, tai chi, qi gong (and many more) are developed for exactly that purpose. But in the West we are much more focussed on physical appearances. Since our mind is not visible, most of us are unaware that it also needs a workout.

Imagine that you could see your mind, slobbing around on the couch of your brain, flicking channels and taking away your ability to focus.

I call my mind Neville.

He is not me, because ‘me’ would never be such a dickhead towards myself voluntarily.

He’s bloody inconsiderate sometimes, and he never stops talking.

// He tells me I’m not good enough, not interesting enough, not attractive enough, not brave enough.

// He loves to wallow and he loves to lug our baggage around.

// He rehashes negative thoughts that I don’t want to think about and keeps me stuck in situations that I don’t want to be in.

Pre bloody good life, Neville was a very pushy, rude, unfit chap. He sat sprawled on the couch in my brain eating Doritos and changing the channel on the TV of my mind in a way that was very distracting for my bloody good life.

He preferred drama, thrillers, and weird arthouse films that no-one understands; the ones with depressing endings.

In recent years I’ve learnt some techniques to improve my relationship with Nev. I’ve got him working out these days, no more Doritos, and no more channel flicking. (Well, some, but not so much).

Now days when I catch him bringing up baggage from my past which will upset me in the present, I laugh at him and say,

Nev, those bags are heavy, put them down you fool.

He agrees, lead suitcases are bloody impractical.

So he drops them and we take several strides forward into a bloody good life.

But he’s a creature of habit, old Nev, and before long he panics – WE NEED THOSE BAGS!

So he runs back to grab them.

Sometimes I don’t notice and he lugs them with us a few days. We both get weighed down and bloody good life goes on pause while we dwell in self pity and self doubt.

But I know this game now, and before long I remember that I have tools to loosen Nev’s vice grip on the bags. He eventually relents with a sigh, and we carry on forwards.

It’s a continuous and lifelong cycle, because Nev learnt the habit when we were kids, and I didn’t learn to train him until a few years ago. His habits take time to change.

But luckily, scientists have newly found that our brain has an amazing ability to rewire itself based on our experiences and thoughts. With a bit of work, you can get your mind to develop into a much more likeable chap.

I’ve got Nev doing push-ups most days (meditation), and now we’re mates.

Everyone has the power to change, even cynical old Neville. Your brain will rewire itself the way that you tell it to, and I’ll show you how to do just that.

Bloody Good Life 101 is bootcamp for your Nev

(give him or her your own name)

If your Nev has never worked out a day in his life, it might take a bit of time. But like anything, good things take time, and it will be the most worthwhile endeavour you ever begin.

You’ll get results right from the get go.

Because when your Nev is happy, literally anything is possible for your bloody good life.


Pst — for more tips to help your mind calm the fuck down so you don't jitter through your day like an anxious hampster, download the free g-book here: How to Stop a Bad Day in its Tracks  It’s free, and brill.

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