If you want to please everyone and offend no-one…

If you want to please everyone and offend no-one…

“People who use a lot of swear words tend to be a lot more honest and trustworthy, human behavioural studies suggest”

I love this quote that did the rounds a while ago, but I haven’t been able to locate any human behavioural studies, nor the quote author. It’s probably made up, but I’m running with it.

A few months ago I was alerted to the fact that I may have been a little overzealous in my post  ‘authenticity’,

because my authentic self happens to swear like a trooper. I apologised and then toned it down a bit, though I seem to have toned it back up a bit since then. I suppose I cannot be everyone’s cup of tea, though I used to try so hard to be, so we may as well get that straight from the get go.

Straight up honesty and authenticity are the qualities I value most in friendships, relationships, myself and in my business.

To me it means being completely yourself without changing your behaviour to suit anyone else.

You see, I don’t discriminate between ‘good’ and ‘bad’ words,

I believe in equality of vocabulary. I’m joking, sort of, but it has got me thinking about how our perception of things is entirely based on the environment from which we perceive them.

Swearing elicits very little reaction in me, I barely notice it in conversation. I spent two years living on a yacht where swearing like a sailor was standard behaviour. For Movember we had a swear jar that raised over 1000 euros in a month between 25 of us.

Yet for others who aren’t around a lot of swearing, ‘fuck’ (and others!) can elicit a strong reaction of offence, and can change their perception of the author. So for those of you who have filed me into the ‘uneducated-trout-who-needs-to-be-gifted-a-dictionary’ category, I will endeavour to redeem myself in your eyes by broadening my vocabulary.

I don’t disagree, I’ve just become desensitised to it.

I also talk about sex a lot, because for me it’s normal and not a big deal, and I sometimes forget that not everyone is as open or as comfortable with it! But more on that another day.

Point is – if you be who you are unapologetically, there will always be people who aren’t cool with it. They’ll judge you, that’s what the mind does best – but

if you want to please everyone and offend no-one, you’re going to have a very dull, un-you like existence.

So you may as well bite the bullet and be yourself, weed out the people in your life who don’t gel with that, and bring in more that do.

Or go and live in a cave.

As a former perfectionist it took me a long time to stop trying to please everyone and look good in all circumstances. Letting go is a skill worth cultivating. It all starts with just being you and sitting with any fear you have about judgement until it buggers off.

With practice, you’ll be a master of not giving a f,

and life will be a whole heap more bloody good.

Keen to fire up your libido and strengthen your orgasms? Kim Anami’s Vaginal Kung Fu course is currently open for registration… take your orgasms to the gym.

If you sign up for VKF using my affiliate links in this post I’ll send you a login to my private bonus video series on Sex & Mindfulness, including: How “wearing the pants” in the relationship might be interfering with your sex drive + A comprehensive list of my favourite sex-related resources to kick off your sexual-self-development journey.

To be sent your private login for the bonus module on sex: sign up for Vaginal Kung Fu and EMAIL ME to let me know – andrea@projectself.com.au (or message me here on Facebook – include your email address). Cheers to your bloody good sex life!

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Gidday, I'm Andrea

I'm a mindfulness advisor and former cynical pessimist.

I used to be an awkward, pessimistic, mediocrely happy overachiever.

Life looked good on the outside, but on the inside things were average.

I was indecisive, I didn't know what to do with my life, I self-sabotaged the hell out of my relationships.

I had a feeling I was going to keep f-ing things up for myself unless something radical changed.

The life handbrake-turn that followed over the next few years came as the result of learning what I now teach in Bloody Good Life 101. Just practical, relatable techniques without any rainbow and butterfly jibber jabber.

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