On our second date BGC prepared a home cooked picnic with his My-Melbourne-Friends Famous sweet potato tuna cakes, but as it was raining a lake that day, he instead purchased a giant umbrella so he could walk me to our plan B mexican restaurant. He also bought me a bar of Pana Chocolate wrapped in kraft paper (my favourite) with “Have a Bloody Good Valentines Day” written on it. On our fourth date he bought me these weird ultra blue flowers that made the water blue (turned out they’d been fed with food colouring, apparently that’s a thing).
After the first few months and we’d safely established that one of BGCs “love languages” is “gifts”, the presents started to dry up.
At first I didn’t notice, but before long,
my mind Nev had perked up his ears and started mentioning that BGC must not love me as much any more.
For a while, Nev wouldn’t let it go.
Then unexpectedly BGC bought me some flowers, those little white ones that look like they’re something to do with Tinker Bell. Those ones that are kind of dry so they look dead but they’re not.
I ran and jumped on him to give him a giant hug. Even though I don’t like those flowers.
In the end I did end up mentioning it, in detail actually, because if he’s going to be a long term occasional flower purchaser, he may as well know (I thought he already did) that I love giant, bold, architectural flowers that are actually really just leaves, and flowers that are as close to leaves as you can get, like proteas and dry wild bush flower type things. And perhaps some white peonies thrown in with all the leaves. While I was at it, I thought I’d better mention that I actively dislike pink and purple flowers, roses, dyed-blue flowers, floppy flowers, and basically any flowers that are too flowery.
At which point I discovered that the flowers he’d bought me didn’t just look dead, they were actually dead.
There were bits of slime that used to be leaves round the base hidden by the cellophane, and all the white flowers already falling off.
He admitted they’d been pretty cheap, he’d just seen them on the way home from the gym and bought them spontaneously without further investigation.
“Thank you for my dead flowers” I grinned, giving him another hug, and then we put them in the compost.
That’s the thing about having a boyfriend who used to spoil you – you get used to it.
And then when he stops, you start to feel like something is missing. Then you wonder if he’s stopped loving you.
Then you start to wonder whether it’s ok to ask to be re-spoiled. Then even though you know the answer is no, you ask him why he doesn’t spoil you any more. He’s not sure. And then you assume that flowers might come. But they don’t.
And then 6 months later they do.
And they’re dead.
And then you wonder whether maybe the wilty slimy leaves are a symbol of BGC’s love.
And then you know you’re being silly, but you bring it up anyway.
And then you tell him what kind of flowers he should buy next time, just in case.
And then you feel like a right princess bitch.
And then you worry what people with think of you for writing about it.
So all in all, I’ve re-decided, it’s best if you don’t have expectations on people. Even when you have a BGC that gives you lots of things, don’t allow your mind to take it for granted or become accustomed, or to tell you it’s the only way to know if they still love you.
Don’t let your mind tell you that just because someone’s in-love-phase behaviour changes that they no longer love you anymore, because it’s probably a load of bollocks.
The more you focus on lack of gifts, the less you’ll focus on all the other love languages, like finding a purple post-it note slid under the bedroom door with a hand drawn picture of BGC gone fishing and “I love you”.
The more you need flowers as a symbol of love, the less you’ll get them and the worse you’ll feel.
Until you do get some flowers, and then they’re dead.
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