I lay face up staring at the slats of the ceiling with a lump of gravel in my stomach. Was he going to break up with me? How could I fix it?
I needed to write to him.
“I know that I make you feel like you are walking on eggshells very often” I wrote. “And I know that I did the same in my last relationship. Someone at work told me about this thing called self-sabotage, and decided I would like to see someone to see if that is what I am accidentally doing. Because you are lovely and very relaxed, and so was my last boyfriend, and
I seem to push you and test you and create fights constantly.
Of course I never intend to and I can’t see it at the time, and I believe completely in every fight I am fighting, and I never intentionally cause fights, but looking back over the long patterns of my behaviour I can see that there is definitely something wrong, and what Jade said about self-sabotaging seems so much like what I seem to do.
I don’t want you to tell anyone please, I am embarrased.”
This is copied verbatim from an email to my ex boyfriend at the beginning of 2011.
I went to a psychologist who was the first person who ever tried to teach me about mindfulness. But back then I was still too cynical, so I didn’t see the point.
We broke up a few weeks later.
It shocked me as I re-read the email today. All the roller coaster feelings came back to me and I remembered how abnormal it was for me to feel calm or content back then.On the outside my life looked normal. On the inside I was a mess. Click To Tweet
Do you feel anything like I felt?
Do you find it hard to let go of things? Find it hard to quiet the mind chatter so you can just enjoy the little things?
Is your mind taken up with worry, self doubt, random overthinking about rubbish that happened a week ago?
THINKING WON’T FIND YOU ANY PEACE. LEARNING TO TAME YOUR MIND WILL.
REGISTRATION CLOSES TONIGHT for >>>>> Bloody Good Life Online,
the mindfulness-based program that changed my life 1 million percent and will do the same for you.
Bloody Good Life Online will help you be more YOU and less the negative nancy in your head.
I’ve never been more passionate about anything. Don’t stay stuck and berating yourself for as long as I did.
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Registration for Bloody Good Life Online CLOSES TONIGHT and doesn’t reopen until the end of the year! If you’re ready to take the leap, get in there son!
What will happen when you join Bloody Good Life Online?
– – Many small angels in the sky will invisibly high five you for taking care of yourself for once!
– – You’ll feel as super excited. And nervous. But mostly excited.
– – AND You’ll learn the tools to help you:
// GET CLEAR ON WHO YOU ARE & WHAT YOU WANT
Get back in touch with that gut instinct and sense of self that’s buried under layers of mind chatter.
// GET CONFIDENT LIKE BIEBS
Stop taking that negative Nancy in your head so seriously so you can shine.
// MANAGE ROLLER COASTER EMOTIONS
So you can stop the random outbursts and guilt so you can be the legend you know you are.
// STOP SELF SABOTAGING
So you can follow through on the things you really want to do.
// REDUCE NEGATIVE THOUGHT SPIRALS & LET GO OF THE SMALL STUFF
So you have more energy to put into stuff you love.
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Be cool as a cucumber! Even if you don’t like them. Join us here:
REGISTRATION CLOSES TONIGHT.
// How we feel about ourselves, the joy we get from living, ultimately depend directly on how the mind filters and interprets everyday experiences
– Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi
When did you last invest in your mind?