An email to my ex boyfriend

An email to my ex boyfriend

I lay face up staring at the slats of the ceiling with a lump of gravel in my stomach. Was he going to break up with me? How could I fix it?

I needed to write to him.

“I know that I make you feel like you are walking on eggshells very often” I wrote. “And I know that I did the same in my last relationship. Someone at work told me about this thing called self-sabotage, and decided I would like to see someone to see if that is what I am accidentally doing. Because you are lovely and very relaxed, and so was my last boyfriend, and

I seem to push you and test you and create fights constantly.

Of course I never intend to and I can’t see it at the time, and I believe completely in every fight I am fighting, and I never intentionally cause fights, but looking back over the long patterns of my behaviour I can see that there is definitely something wrong, and what Jade said about self-sabotaging seems so much like what I seem to do.

I don’t want you to tell anyone please, I am embarrased.”

This is copied verbatim from an email to my ex boyfriend at the beginning of 2011.

I went to a psychologist who was the first person who ever tried to teach me about mindfulness. But back then I was still too cynical, so I didn’t see the point.

We broke up a few weeks later.

It shocked me as I re-read the email today. All the roller coaster feelings came back to me and I remembered how abnormal it was for me to feel calm or content back then.

On the outside my life looked normal. On the inside I was a mess. Click To Tweet

Do you feel anything like I felt?

Do you find it hard to let go of things? Find it hard to quiet the mind chatter so you can just enjoy the little things?

Is your mind taken up with worry, self doubt, random overthinking about rubbish that happened a week ago?

THINKING WON’T FIND YOU ANY PEACE. LEARNING TO TAME YOUR MIND WILL.

REGISTRATION CLOSES TONIGHT for >>>>> Bloody Good Life Online,

the mindfulness-based program that changed my life 1 million percent and will do the same for you.

Bloody Good Life Online will help you be more YOU and less the negative nancy in your head.

I’ve never been more passionate about anything. Don’t stay stuck and berating yourself for as long as I did.

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WHAT DO OTHERS GET OUT OF THE BLOODY GOOD LIFE PROGRAM?

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“I feel like I’ve grown exponentially in awareness! I now have the tools I need to change my life and handle anything that life throws at me. That’s life changing.” – Mel, NY

Registration for Bloody Good Life Online CLOSES TONIGHT and doesn’t reopen until the end of the year! If you’re ready to take the leap, get in there son!

What will happen when you join Bloody Good Life Online?

– – Many small angels in the sky will invisibly high five you for taking care of yourself for once!
– – You’ll feel as super excited. And nervous. But mostly excited.

– – AND You’ll learn the tools to help you:

// GET CLEAR ON WHO YOU ARE & WHAT YOU WANT

Get back in touch with that gut instinct and sense of self that’s buried under layers of mind chatter.
// GET CONFIDENT LIKE BIEBS

Stop taking that negative Nancy in your head so seriously so you can shine.
// MANAGE ROLLER COASTER EMOTIONS

So you can stop the random outbursts and guilt so you can be the legend you know you are.
// STOP SELF SABOTAGING

So you can follow through on the things you really want to do.
// REDUCE NEGATIVE THOUGHT SPIRALS & LET GO OF THE SMALL STUFF

So you have more energy to put into stuff you love.
// FEEL MORE JOY AND EXCITEMENT

So you can feel content and at peace with your life and your self, just as you are.
Be cool as a cucumber! Even if you don’t like them. Join us here:

REGISTRATION CLOSES TONIGHT.

// How we feel about ourselves, the joy we get from living, ultimately depend directly on how the mind filters and interprets everyday experiences
– Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi

When did you last invest in your mind?

 

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Gidday, I'm Andrea

I'm a mindfulness advisor and former cynical pessimist.

I used to be an awkward, pessimistic, mediocrely happy overachiever.

Life looked good on the outside, but on the inside things were average.

I was indecisive, I didn't know what to do with my life, I self-sabotaged the hell out of my relationships.

I had a feeling I was going to keep f-ing things up for myself unless something radical changed.

The life handbrake-turn that followed over the next few years came as the result of learning what I now teach in Bloody Good Life 101. Just practical, relatable techniques without any rainbow and butterfly jibber jabber.

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