Lately I’ve been finding it wayyy too easy to stay in bed spooning instead of getting up and working, and I’ve been more inclined to eat chocolate and bucket loads of gluten free toast instead of bok choy.
When our boss gives us a task with a deadline, we get it done. We might have to work our ass off, we might do things we don’t really want to, we might work overtime, but we’ll get it done.
Our job depends on it.
Is the same true for our happiness?
We all have a list of things we know we could be doing to make life more bloody good.
But there are no exact deadlines. And we’re busy. So we put it off for a week. The week becomes a few weeks, a month, 6 months, and before we know it a couple of years have passed.
That new years resolution to take up yoga and tidy the garage has been sidelined to make way for Other Random Shit that pops up all the bloody time.
Our job depends on us getting work tasks done. Emails and other bits and bobs crop up all the time at work, but we learn to prioritise the jobs that have looming deadlines.
The bloody goodness of our life depends on getting bloody good life tasks done, but we let all sorts of crap fill our time instead, because there is no deadline for working on our life.
So maybe your smaller life goals are to eat less Subway and do more side planks. You could have more sex, if only you had more energy. You could get more sleep, but you can’t shut your mind off. Learning mindfulness would be good. That Andrea chick seems to know about it, you should book in with her to have a chat about it.
So what do we do instead?
We wake up drained before we even step out of bed. Press snooze three times. Go to work. Eat something crap because we don’t have the time or inclination to cook good stuff. Feel stressed or bored or both at work. Go for a run after work, maybe. Come home with not much energy left, sit on the couch and immerse ourself in other people’s Facebooky Tindery lives. Watch cat videos. Go to bed too late and miss our 8 hours sleep. Repeat.
So what do we do, when our own willpower isn’t enough?
First, check that the changes you want to make are really directing you towards a happier life. If your goal is to eat less so that you’ll be skinny so that you’ll be happy, you may want to check in –
will being hangry really make you happier? Will being skinnier make you happier?
Will it? Are you sure?
Do skinnier people look happier than everyone else?
Then, once you’ve worked out what you really want to achieve, you have two options:
1. Wait til the shit hits the fan.
Then seek help.
Most people wait til a full meltdown/ stress attack/ autoimmune disorder/ stress related illness stops them in their tracks, and then they go looking for answers. To this end, many people say ‘having a heart attack/ getting adrenal fatigue/ burning out (etc)’ was the best thing that ever happened to them. Because when shit gets dire, we do something about it.
This is a human trait – we will ALWAYS avoid pain before we seek out pleasure.
We’ll do what it takes to distract ourself from suffering or boredom rather than taking action to make life more awesome.
2. Don’t wait til shit hits the fan
Commit to working out how to make life more bloody good.
You’ve done this before, but your willpower only lasted a finite amount of time before you gave up on meditating and replaced pushups with Doritos.
So what to do?
Get accountability for making your bloody good life deadlines WORK.
Put something at stake.
1. Get yourself an accountability buddy who you know will hold you to your goals. Agree to hand wash their underwear if you don’t achieve your goal by a certain deadline.
2. Use this mad app, Stickk (stickk.com) to put your money at stake. If you don’t achieve your goal, it will donate your money to a charity that you vehemently oppose – the Ku Klux Klan, anti-abortion dickheads, or the National Rifle Association! No shit, it’s a real thing! If that isn’t motivation enough for you, I don’t know what is.
3. The best way of all? Get yourself a bloody good mindfulness mentor (or any life coach that you gel with if my style doesn’t float your boat, there are loads of awesome ones out there!) Seriously, even after our first session my 1-1 mentoring clients often go away and make big changes in their diet, social life or relationships.
By working with me they’ve made the space and time to focus on their life goals. Just by signing up for Bloody Good Life 101 they commit to investing in themselves, so they don’t fuck about – they get stuff done! I become their happiness boss, making sure they get it done, not next year, but now.
I’ve worked with coaches for years myself – sex, life, and business coaches! And jaysus has my life changed since hiring each and every one of them.
I can confidently say that this control-freak perfectionist procrastinator right here would never have achieved what I’ve achieved, both personally and in business, without the help and gentle pushing of my amazing coaches.
I used to be a huge put-my-head-in-the-sand-procrastinator.
I needed a boss to help me do stuff that I wanted to do but also couldn’t really exactly quite get round to doing it.
So what will it be?
Will you continue to be a head-in-the-sand procrastinator when it comes to your happiness?
Or will you find someone (or a KKK-donating app) to hold you accountable and start making shit happen?